I Gots the Crackhead Itch!!

I CANT STOP SCRATCHING MYSELF!! Did I somehow in the middle of my daily nap contract a major case of catanddogitis?! Did i get flees? Wtf is happening to me?!!! My skin is dry, really dry and im itchy everywhere somebody send me some ointment or ill have to kill somebody!! Kill me before I can do anymore damages!!